Worthless

Worthless.
that is exactly how you made me feel.
this may sound harsh.
but this is me.
and this is my blog.
and i dont give a damn on how you feel about it.
you made it clear well enough last night.

everytime, before i sleep, i try to salvage as much self-worth i still have.
but after a long time, it still get to me.
im not worth anything.
i walk with other people and i belittle myself.
i see all the smiles and ask why i cant be worthy of even such a small gesture.
i go to work thinking i cant live up to everyone's expectations.
i will fail and will be the cause of shame.
i call my kids and they tell me how much ive been missing big chunks of their lives.
im not even worthy as a mother.
i call mama to seek comfort, and she would enumerate the numerous occasion that passed without me, not even remembering to call
i even fail as a daughter.
im not worth anything at all.

i try. everytime. i try to be worth something.
everytime i lose a piece of me.
i lose a piece of what i believe in.
one day, i might wake up and wouldnt even recognize me.