Strangers

It was more of a chance than coincidence.
Both of us being in the same place and time, two days in a row.
I wasn’t expecting you to stop again.
Considering the doubtful question yesterday.
The only sentence that was spoken between the two of us for the last 5 years.
Yet you did.

I wouldn’t be able to explain what I saw in your eyes that morning.

Hate. Anger. Regret. And very faintly that I could almost say I imagined it, love.
So when you turned around and traversed the road that was familiar yet haunting to me, I held my breath.

Silence hung between us.

I could count the number of your breaths.
The beating of my heart.
I wanted to look at you but I am so afraid the moment might lose its grip.
That you might snap back to reality.
I was both hoping and dreading that you would.

Silently, you drove us to that place beneath the trees.

The one place in this world I could not bear to be.
Without question, you took my hand and led me within the shadows.
And for the length of an eternity, you held me.
Held me as if yesterday was a memory that was never there.
Held me as if tomorrow is a future that is not possible to happen.

I just closed my eyes and let you.

Then I let the tears flow. Uncontrollably. The ones I held for years.

I assume I fell asleep. Because when I opened my eyes, the sun is high in the sky, and the leaves shone brightly as they dance.

I looked at you when I felt you stir beside me.
For a fraction of a second I travelled back in time. When I could look into your eyes and feel that the world righted itself overnight.

Your lips touched mine briefly, light as a feather.

You held me again. But this, with urgency. As if time is running out. In metaphor, I believe it is.

Without explanation, we drove back.
To the place where nobody knew.
To the place where our past was nothing but a murmur among the entire buzz.

Back to how we were.

Strangers.

Bulong

Mahal kita.
Sa napakaraming paraan
Sa hindi mabilang na dahilan
Mahal kita.

Mahal kita.
Katulad ng pagyakap ng sinag ng araw
sa bukang liwayway

Mahal kita
Kaparis ng katahimikang handog ng gabi sa tabing dagat,
sa ilalim ng liwanag ng buwan

Mahal kita
Kapantay ng liwanag ng talang bumubulusok
upang pagbigyan ang isang pangarap

Mahal kita
Kasabay ng pagpikit ng mga mata
at pagpasok sa isang mundong nalalapit sa paraiso

Mahal kita
Ang bawat ngiti. Ang bawat yakap.
Ang bawat halik.

Mahal kita
Sa bawat bulong. Sa bawat panaginip.
Sa bawat ihip ng hangin.
Mahal kita.

Yesterday

I look at you,
and I see everything I missed because I let you go
and everything you would not have had if I didnt.

I look at you,
and see all that I've lost because i left
and all that you would if I didnt.

Dreams

i had a very weird dream last night.

as i recall, i was lying across our sofa in our home in Sta. Mesa when my ex-boyfriend, Jam's father, for that matter, came and gave me flowers. and he did also gave me a ring.

and he was then talking about us getting back together, he was planning all sorts of things, when to move in, where, how..
and he was telling me he paid all my existing debts, he cleared out my credit card's outstanding balance, and he was giving me a new life.

so i led him outside so we could talk.

i told him that though i love him, i love my hubby more.
and i told him that he is messing up everything that's already in their right places.
i have my family, he has his. and i am happy the way things are.
so i returned the ring and told him to go home.

and then i woke up.

then i reached over and found my hubby beside me, contentedly asleep.
my debts are not paid. still have to clear out my credit card balance.
and i still have the same life.

i wouldnt have it in any other way.

Berso Sa Metro

Nang mawala ka sa akin, ikaw at ako'y nawalan
Ako dahil ikaw ang minahal ko ng lubusan
At ikaw dahil ako ang sa iyo'y lubusang nagmahal
Ngunit sa dalawa ay ikaw ang higit na nawalan
Dahil pwede kong mahalin ang iba tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa iyo
Ngunit ikaw di mamahalin tulad ng kung paano kita minahal.

-Ernesto Cardenal (Granada, Nicaragua, 1925 - )

Coincidence

amongst the rush of tides, i see you
in the midst of howling thunder, i hear you
drowned in the rough slash of rain, i feel you

or is it just coincidence?
when i look around the corner and see your face
when i walk the long hallway and see your tread
when i peek in the mirror and see your smile

or is it just coincidence
when i turn around and catch your familiar scent
when i try to kill time and find you do the same
when i stop to daydream and feel your gaze

or is it just coincidence
when you call her the endearment you used to call me then
when you see her as the angel i was to you then
when you love her as much as you loved me then

or is it just me?