This is ME - Take it or Leave It

Like A Rock - I Must be Hard
Like An Oak - I Must Stand Firm
Cut Quick - Like My Blade
Think Fast - Unafraid

Like a Cloud - I am Soft
Like Bamboo - I Bend in the Wind
Creeping Slow - I'm at Peace
Because I Know
It's Okay to Be Afraid

1/30/14

Undiluted Fear

For the first time in my life, I fear for me.

I have been trying to hold back in taking this step for as long as I can remember.

The past years I was just trying to get out of the hole I myself dug.
There were no excuses, only justifications of the why.
I could not bear to even think about it, I was too ashamed.
All I wanted was redemption. Freedom from guilt. From sin.

The path I chosen was never easy. I preferred it that way.
It was my means of making amends.
So I did what I have to do. I did what is asked of me.
I did what I thought will save us. I crawled.

I was under false hopes that I was making progress.
I thought I was building something, a foundation for permanence.
Yet, after I pulled myself out of the depths of error,
I am forced to admit I am, again, wrong.

Now, I fear.
I fear that everything that happened lead me to this.
I fear the realization I have been standing on the edge of this cliff
I fear that I wanted to jump off and just... fall.